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Things to Ponder on......

Can you cry under water? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does a round pizza come in a square box? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- What disease did cured ham actually have? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why did you just try singing the two songs above? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Get Paid to Read Emails ? Is it a Hoax or Is It Real ?

They Said WHAT at Church ?

They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: >---------------------------------------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in t he Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours" courtesy of: http://www.robertjrussell.com

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How would you like to be on our RECOMMENDED VENDOR List on our website ? Click Here For $ 35 - you can be a part of this list. All Advertisers will be added to the website as we receive them - that means that you can be one of the select group of advertisers. All occupations will be listed ! * If you don't see your occupation - we can always add it - so sign up today. We are averaging around 83,000 Hits per month ! That's more than some of the Big Name Websites out there !! If you would like to advertise your business - we will need the following: Industry _________________________ Name____________________________ Website URL_____________________ Tel Phone________________________ Send $35 payment to: Robert J Russell 3634 Long Prairie Rd Ste 108-143 Flower Mound, Tx 75022 If you have any questions, please email me info@robertjrussell.com or call 972-679-9029.

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Only a Southerner.....

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH"them. Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." Only a Southerner knows exactly how long"directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly." Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. Only a Southerner both knows and understands the difference between a redneck , a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines . and when we're "in line"... we talk to everybody! Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. In the South, y'all is singular .... all y'all is plural Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food When you hear someone say, " Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say ,"Bless her heart"... and go your own way. And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a long time,all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." Bless your hearts ... y'a ll have a blessed day - by: cara lenes

How To Avoid The Real Estate 'F' Word -- Before You Buy

The government is waging war against the axis of mortgage evils -- predatory lending, mortgage fraud, subprime loans and non traditional mortgages. The Federal Bureau of Investigations, recently reminded fraud perps they could get 30 years in the slammer and $1 million in fines, or both. On another front, Robert Steel, a U.S. Treasury undersecretary this week told reporters high-risk loan company meltdown is "manageable.. Hopefully, not in the same way as that other war. Bank regulators fresh from the front rewriting rules for non-traditional mortgages seek the same concessions from the subprime sector.. Foreclosures, more and more often spawned by the evil axis, aren't taking any prisoners. But they are taking homes. While some markets revealed higher levels of foreclosure risk last year, others began to show less. Overall, however, the tide generally turned against home owners last year as the risk of foreclosure grew 10.2 percent nationwide, according to San Juan Capistrano, CA-based HomeSmartReports. Responsible Lending, predicting as many as 2.2 million foreclosures in the next few years from the subprime sector alone, says it could get a lot worse. The current strategy is going to cost a lot of homes. One agency says the war will be won not during the forced retreat from defaults, but in the trenches of home buying, before home owners get anywhere near the front lines of foreclosure. Assisting potential lost-home refugees on the brink of foreclosure is a common practice and a strategy employed by many, including NeighborWorks, a national nonprofit organization created decades ago by Congress to bolster community-based revitalization efforts. Its "Tips For Preventing Foreclosure" is based on sound training for counselors as well as support and sage advice for home owners in trouble. If you need help now, the joint NeighborWorks-Homeownership Preservation Foundation hotline at 1-888-995-HOPE (4673) will point you in the right direction. Last ditch efforts are better than nothing. However, to more effectively undermine the forces that converge in foreclosure, NeighborWorks has also been a leader in prevention efforts. Begin digging in long before home owners become home owners and they have a better chance of surviving as home owners, the agency reasons. It's a strategy of credit, financial and home ownership counseling, workshops, seminars and classes and other education used to thoroughly train the troops for battle. Studies prove default and foreclosure prevention by very early intervention is the best defense. NeighborWorks has also deployed "Ten Secrets Every Home Buyer Should Know" as a battle plan for home owners who want to know what they are getting into long before the lender has to take them out. Here's a look at what the war paper offers potential home buyers before they get in over their heads. Get help. Visit a housing counselor at a nonprofit organization where's there's no profit motive or potential for a conflict of interest. You want objective, unbiased information about finances, budgeting and other issues to expect during your initial home buying efforts. You need to learn the ropes, not be pressured with choices. Get ready. To approve your loan lenders look at the 4 Cs of Credit -- credit history, capital, capacity and collateral. The first three involve your finances and determine how well suited you are to repaying the debt. You have little control over the fourth because it considers the value and condition of the home you'll want to buy. The first three require that you take stock of your creditworthiness (get your credit report and go over it with your counselor), build and maintain capital for a down payment, home buying and loan costs as well as other costs associated with home ownership and be certain your income now and in the future can handle the loan you choose. Get money. Look for legitimate loan programs that can help you with special affordable loans or grants for the down payment, closing costs and other fees. The more you can leverage the deal, the better you'll handle the monthly payments. Get a lifestyle. In addition to the costs associated with home ownership it is also a way of life. You'll have to take care of your home and issues surrounding it. Maintenance, value enhancing improvements, grounds upkeep, mortgage management are among the many tasks you may not have now. Be sure you can handle the change. Get shopping around. For everything. In addition to shopping around for the home, likewise shop around for the mortgage, stuff to fill you home, service workers, insurance and any other purchase you can compare from one provider to the next. The change of lifestyle means being a smart shopper. Get money in the pipeline. Once your home work is done you still aren't ready to shop for a home. Get a loan commitment that amounts to a guarantee from a lender that a loan is yours for a set amount and specific terms. Sellers will see you as a serious buyer and the loan will keep you from looking at homes you can't afford. You are still responsible for getting a loan you can afford. Lenders will often lend you as much as your 4 Cs qualify you, but that may not be what you can truly afford. Get a good location. No home is an island. The neighborhood or community is a prime factor in how well your investment performs. Start your search for a home by neighborhood in terms of schools, access to work, school and activities, crime rates and other conditions that make for a good -- or bad -- village. Get an inspection. Don't buy into the seller's home inspection. He or she may be well intentioned, but one of your new lifestyle changes is developing certainty about the decisions you make. Use the seller's inspection to compare against your own, but get your own. It will give you a good idea of the condition of the home and, as such, it's true value. Make your contract contingent upon, among other things, you hiring your own home inspector. Get less pressure. Don't rush through the home buying process. You've waited this long to buy a home, a few more months, even a year isn't going to make a lot of difference, especially now that prices are flat and falling. Take the time to learn your new living style, to scour documents and to get up with issues you don't understand. Larger inventories are also giving you more time to shop around for the home itself. Use the time wisely. Get a clue. Home ownership almost always costs more than you think. Stay on top of savings and safe investments to build a cushion for those unexpected events, emergencies, routine maintenance and repairs. NeighborWorks suggests building an annual emergency home fund equal to at least one mortgage payment and an annual maintenance and repair fund equal to one percent of your home's purchase price. That's over and above the six months of your salary you are supposed to have socked away for life's unexpected events. No, it's not easy, but follow those "secrets" and there's a good chance you'll never have to use the "F" word. written by: Broderick Perkins Copyright © 2007 Realty Times. All Rights Reserved.

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Stupid Husband Story

Stupid, stupid husband... He forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked off at him. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE." The next morning, Neil got up really early. When his wife woke up a couple of hours later, she looked out the window, and sure enough, there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe, ran out to the driveway, and took the box into the house. She opened it, and found a brand new bathroom scale. Neil is not yet well enough to have visitors

Are you good with Words ?

Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. (Wait till you see the last one)! DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROO M PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:A ROPE ENDS IT THE EYES: ! When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters:HE BUGS GORE THE MORSE CODE :When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters:LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters:IM A DOT IN PLACE THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters:THAT QUEER SHAKE ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE: MOTHER-IN-LAW:When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaaytoo much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law).

For Sale in Cedar Hill - 4 Bedroom with Study

Call 972-679-9029 to see this Gorgeous custom 4 bedroom home in the beautiful Sleepy Hollow area of Cedar Hill. Located minutes from fine shopping, dining, and Joe Pool Lake. Amenities include: - 3 car attached garage - Sprinkler system in front & back yard - Large backyard - Workshop w/self contained electrical box - Tiled front porch entry - Large floored/insulated attic space w/auto temp controlled turbo fans - Security system - Intercom system - Pantry - Office off of master bedroom - Two air conditioning systems - Two hot water heaters - Numerous other custom featutures

The Right Diet?

We're safely into 2007 now. Have you kept your resolution to drop a few pounds? Searches on "diets" are still trending strong, up 61% over the last week. However, we've found that you don't want to work too hard to shed that weight—searches on "easy diets" are up a whopping 300%. As we know, getting started on a new lifestyle is hard and that's why searches on "free diet plans" are up 74%. We haven't seen a corresponding rise in searches on "willpower," but we know you have what it takes to lay off the chips and candy. Setting aside the sweets, could a diet based on repetition do the trick for you? Many of these easy prep weight loss formulas crop up around this time of year when "fad diet" searches are all the rage. Here are the top 10 single ingredient diet searches over the last week... Cabbage Soup Diet Grapefruit Diet Maple Syrup Diet Apple Cider Vinegar Diet Cayenne Pepper Diet Special K Diet Cabbage Diet Rice Diet Green Tea Diet Cookie Diet We're all for the Cookie Diet coming in at number ten, but we don't think chocolate chips are going to solve the problem of our hips. We dug deeper still into the diet data to extract some of the odd and amusing diet queries popping up lately. If you're one of the few brave souls trying the "hard boiled egg diet," godspeed and good luck... Biblical Diet Foods All Fruit Diet Suzanne Somers Diet Diet Gum Banana Diet Bruce Lee Diet Raw Food Diet Cranberry Diet Almond Diet Watermelon Diet Email this posting Save to del.icio.us Save to My Web Digg This Filed under: Diets By Erik Gunther

SOLD in FRISCO TEXAS !!

Frisco Home
4 Bedroom Home & 2179 Sq Ft is just what you're looking for.

$219,900
4 Bed 3 Bath 2,179 Sq Ft

http://www.robertjrussell.com/mls10683562

2371 Barret Dr. Type Residential

Agent Robert J Russell
(972) 679-9029 Status Active

Levels Single story garage 2 car garage

Year Built 2002 School District FRISCO ISD

Elementary School BOALS Middle School PIONEER

High School FRISCO Interior Features , Bay windows, Breakfast bar, Burglar alarm, Carpet, Ceiling fans, Ceramic tile flrs, Corian/Corian type cntrtop, Dishwasher, Disposal, Dryer hookup - elec, Electric oven, Fire/Smoke alarm, Gas cooktop, Gas water heater, Kitchen island, Self clean oven, Slab foundation, Smoke detector, Vaulted ceilings, Walk-in closet, Washer hookup, Water line to refrigerator, Window coverings, Wood flrs

Exterior Features ,Attached parking, Garage door opener, Gutters, Interior lot, Landscaped, Open patio, Some trees, Sprinkler system, Subdivision location, Wood fencing Heating Features Central heat - gas

Style Traditional Area Frisco

Subdivision North Ridge 2 County Denton

Central AC Yes Exterior Construction Brick, Siding

Master Bedroom 16 X 13 Kitchen 12 X 10

Living Room 21 X 17 Dining Room 12 X 9

Additional Information
Paul Taylor custom home. 5 burner gas cooktop, crown molding, 5 in. baseboard, walk-in California closet in master, upgraded lighting, tile, hardwoods, stone elevation & landscape. Full sprinkler !

For Sale in McKinney !!

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Foreclosures - as little as $100 DOWN PAYMENT

The U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) has announced a new Sales Incentive Program for Owner Occupants beginning December 8, 2006. Designed to increase opportunities for homeownership over the Holiday Season, the ''FHA Brings the Holidays Home'' campaign is designed to assist low- to moderate-income families by offering special incentives on the sale of HUD-owned single-family homes across the country. During the December 8, 2006 – January 5, 2007 sales event, homebuyers who purchase a HUD-owned home and finance the purchase with an FHA-insured loan are entitled to new sales incentives. Homebuyers must sign an Owner Occupant Certification that they intend to occupy the property as their primary residence for at least 12 months and must not currently have an FHA-Insured Mortgage. The incentives are: $2,500 Holiday Home Improvement Allowance $500 Selling Broker Bonus Minimum Required Downpayment of Only $100 The incentives may not be combined with other HUD discount sales. In addition, certain exclusions may apply. To Submit a bid on a HUD Approved home - Call Robert J Russell with RE/MAX DFW - http://www.robertjrussell.com 972-679-9029 or 1-800-856-3550 ext 3568

2705 Atwood Dr - Under Contract in 3 days !