Things to Think about

 

Did Adam and Eve have navels?

Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?

But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window!

Do one legged ducks swim in circles?

Do atheists get insurance for acts of God?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Does anybody ever vanish with a trace?

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

How does a shelf salesman keep his store from looking empty?

How fast do you have to go to keep up with the sun so you're never in darkness?

How is the handicapped parking situation handled at the Special Olympics?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If a synchronized swimmer drowns, does her partner also have to drown?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?

If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?

If sour cream is past its expiration date is it good then?

If a tree falls in the forest without anyone there, does it still make a sound? Do the other trees make fun of it?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?

If Superglue is so good why doesn't it stick to the inside of the tube?

If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?

If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, do you plan a surprise birthday party for them?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

If the "black box" survives every plane crash, why not make the entire plane out of that stuff?

If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

Isn't it a little scary that a doctor's work is called practice?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Shouldn't it be called a "near hit" rather than a "near miss"?

There are 24 hours in a day, and 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?

What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?

When you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Why is there an eject button on the VCR remote? Don't you have to get up to get to the tape?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?

Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game", when we are already there?

Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

Why do we say things "go off" when they are actually turning on?

Why does flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?

Why don't you ever see baby crows or pigeons?

Why is it building "buildings", shouldn't they be called a "built" when completed?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Why is it called "after dark", when it is really after light?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why is Mickey Mouse bigger than his dog Pluto?

Why is there only one commission that determines monopolies?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they know you don't have?

What's another word for thesaurus? What's another word for synonym?

What is the speed of dark?

What do you do when you discover and an endangered animal that only eats endangered plants?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

 

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